for mike keathley

i'm punishing myself for you. you blocked me but i just can't imagine that it's safe for me to have a sexual relationship with a deaf man...i just can't imagine that you wouldn't beat me up, call me names, or tell other men things i don't want them to know.

so don't worry. this is a pretty abusive relationship and i'm letting jeff get what he wants. all the rest of my money. all of it. in a week i'll be living on the street with a shopping cart or two. that's where all my stuff is gonna be. i thought maybe michael could help, but he can't. so my punishment will be carried out, meted in exacting terms.

i will probably die in a few days. and that is what you want. my poem made you so mad you blocked me. my jocund video about the lighter made you so mad you blocked me. i see no sense in it, i have tried and i still see no sense in it, and this is my punishment: to die, hopefully raped by another homeless person, so you can see: i am nothing.

i am nothing so bad i must be blocked. and when i am dead my poem will die so you will never have to be angry. i don't understand this, but i really am tired of being raped and fucked with so my choices are to kill myself or give more money to a man i don't even recognize. i never expected jeff to do what my other boyfriends have: study me, then use my fears to force meltdowns and extract money.

but i wanted to trust you. and i will just kill myself. it's no big deal. it will be me on the street and my shopping cart, and then it will just be my shopping cart.

broken everything

all broken

but that's fine for me

all i want is to be homeless and dying

so finally i'm going

the old man with the mustache

is the old man with the mustache

is making me scream

so i don't have to remember

the old man in the mustache

ny eyes are going weird again

its like burning yellow

and swirling parabolas abd vbkbuk