Sunday, June 10, 2012

sweetie fry coming up:

i wrote this when rob voreck was a nice guy, before he gave carl my contact information and told me i was lying after carl flipped the fuck out on me. see, carl was about to marry tuesday, and he wanted to apologize for treating me like i wasn't pretty enough to be girlfriend material...and by september of 2009 i'd heard that too many times to feel flattered in the least.

i'd heard from ridor all that year--1996 through 1997 until memorial day weekend--that carl would whine that nothing he said got me in bed. well, he was never directly flirtatious, just really nice and then cruel when he told me i was ugly and had to pick up the bag of food and carry it to the car, and all that kind of annoying shit i found odd but a big part of my life.

right? so carl went SPASTIC when i mentioned the two things he did that i felt was completely inappropriate. i said that the rest of it was whatever, thanks for the heartfelt apology and it was long overdue, but asking me to have sex at someone's wake was slightly more amusing than the two other things. there was this black man named rod and when i successfully fought him off and lured him into the hallway of my apartment building, he got so pissed at me for slapping and shoving him away from me and snarled, "carl told me you would be easy! he said you'd fuck anyone! WHAT THE FUCK, YOU BITCH!?" see, carl had told me he wanted to apologize, and i let him drive me to his place a second time, only he dropped me off in the street and cackled, "have fun! good luck with that, beth! he wants to take you on a go ahead, be nice to the guy!" and it was some FUGLY-ass 40-year-old (maybe a little younger but HEY i was 19) bald Black guy with maybe one first-grade Choose Your Own Adventure between his ears.

and carl was all (about the other thing, the worse thing, since i managed to fight rod off; clearly, if he'd succeeded in raping me, i might not be here to tell this story! old ugly men do not leave young raped girls happy to be alive) I DID NOT DO THAT OMFG and i was all I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE SO I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE ALL COLLECTIVELY DESERVE AN APOLOGY AND AHEM I AM ASKING FOR US ALL AND FOR TUESDAY.

and he was all OMFG GET AWAY FROM ME FOREVER and i was all uh, whatever, aren't you the prick here?

and then rob was no longer a pal. but i took what i needed, and i churned out some erfo butter.

Sprung: Release Hermetic

Poem for Rob

The molting bird in distress
how wretchedly she sings.
Beak clacking at brass bars        (peeling in laces)
futile so soft beat her wings.
A songbird cannot peck orange rind
from how bitter the snow-white pith--
its fixed rolling eyeballs never
quite find its impending death.
Look, the door fixed solidly
yet all the air for her breath.

Stick your finger betwixt gold bars 
shrunk celestial. How delicately
she takes up that perch half afright, sunk
in your contour, her head from beneath
her wing. You swear 

she smiles.

For more titles, see the album.
Program them into your phone.
When we are all our most silent
we hesitate to exist alone
without music. Dance into step.

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