some of my last IMs as beth

i love you

im SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY

david...ill be 100% honest with you...youre abusive

very, very abusive

NO ONE likes you

but me

and I AM IN CHARGE OF ME

5 mins ago

i choose to stay

and face the harshest words, and to cower when i need to stand strong

because i could lose you either way...but i keep thinking i can calm you down by groveling and freaking out and begging

4 mins ago

which is groveling...im so drunk i dont care what i say...my friend forgave me for telling him id kill myself this weekend

over you

so i can clean up my mess instead ofhaving to try

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU and terribly drunk

i love you love you love you

2 mins ago

and all the abuse you hurl at me...i will try to deal with honestly

and im sorry i took a wrong turn...

im disgusted with myself because you dont have to be treated the way you treat me

and nobody has the right to tell me im wrong to stay

1 min ago

you never beat me...you dont rape me anymore...

it was just the one skullfuck and the one anal rape...and i never EVER EVER EVER yelled at you for all your lies or STUPID infection-causing behaviors during sex

in may

so YES i deserve to be respected

just now

because i respect that you are NEVER going to be me