Saturday, August 23, 2014

notes to ryan commerson

i don't plan on changing your name. commie butt is where it's at. wazzup! ya dig!? cuz, like, if all you did was act like a fucking asshole a few times and have a lot going on with me most of the rest of the time, and if you were one of the people who got me so set on leaving clif no matter what that i have done most of my shit morally correct--

--then i figure you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself or what you've done. i will know, though, if you think y/our friends are worth demanding that i not draw my story BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE HAVE STORIES and i know i'm not the only one guys smack down and get it up for...and whose family says she better stay right where she is because she's already ruined at 16.

life is big and the Deaf world needs to accommodate that. we can only have pride in ourselves if we become the best we have room for or die trying. right? audism is our common enemy and can fracture healthy self-images...the Deaf and deaf worlds carry the weight of everything the hearing culture does on a more concentrated scale.

anyway, right, my approach has been interesting. the assholes who don't even acknowledge my rape when they are notorious for 13, 30, 300--so big with all the stories wrapped papier mâché around their cocks--oh, they walked it all right--and blame me after apologizing for being bad to me cuz i really am marriageable and a catch, right, and want me as a friend--they don't get their names used but their reputations and my time at gally will weed out the usual suspects.

because i may not want to forgive someone but life has its time and mistakes. so it's the best thing to do if someone really has stopped being a shit directly to me and agrees that other women need better. but, really, who WILLINGLY wakes up during sex with the guy who's now Indian Corn Teeth of Quasimodo? and goes OMFG YES I MASTURBATE TO THAT EVERY TIME I SEE A PROACTIV AD TOO THANK U MMMMMMMMMM CUTE BABY

anyway. note two is simply that I really do like audism. it just  isn't that ugly anymore. i also see that no one is going to combine the forces of audism and racism even though it would make a bigger, stronger one for an awesome national i have worked on myself and my view of history and what people want and why, and why audism and racism really have to be separate causes despite causing the same hurt and classlessness, hehe, and etc et al eg ie and all

note "reason i'm blogging in the tub and wasting my morning before fucking classes AUGH"...


not pancakes yet. 4 stretch marks per up from 1. over the shoulder view still fantastic. head on the 99% of guys who don't hit me for having the stretch marks talk about them a lot. my last FWB decided to marry me over them (and my brain)...but i turned him down twice.

he's almost the right guy--the sex and cooking were incessant and so yummy--the last two months i'd have to tell him it was great that he was still fucking me for an hour after he got too tired to keep it hard but after 100 more orgasms i knew it was a little selfish of me to keep going. i'd lamented that we no longer had as much sex because of his new schedule so i was not having as many intense, releasing orgasms and was getting short with people because of how irritable i was. masturbation doesn't give me the same kind of orgasms.

like, almost perfect. who doesn't want a good 20 hours of great sex a week? but i burned that bridge to hell. i'm not dealing with his wife ever again, and leaving her for me is lacing my coffee with arsenic. if i don't like your orgasm faces now that you've decided to show me how much you CARE ABOUT ME and would marry me but haven't turned down any sex you better quit while you're head, boyo!

man, i deliberately and cruelly burned that bridge. i may miss him but now he'll really live in a prison or learn how to rely on himself.  but, you remember, rycola, i never let a guy tell me what to do. except in dark sad corners, after they had to hurt me to get me scared. fuck that noise, you audist!

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