dear asha ricci,
i knew you and jason must be married by now--but your wedding pic as your profile pic speaks to a more recent ceremony than anticipated--did you make your gown? gorgeous. you should be my designer, heh; i'd split the profits fairly.
i'm beyond thrilled for you and jase. i'm writing notes for my autobio based on my old notes and lost manuscript, and a guide for my therapist because we're looking at what made me break down in 2010. my loss--your husband and my then best friend--has a lot to do with it but i choose not to feel or think about jason because it would get in the way. knowing that he doesn't trust that i was raped because people got to him destroyed me but i put it all on David to keep from being weighted by floyd and jason.
here's my proposal. if you can accept, now that you're mrs. ricci, that you've never been in danger of losing jason or in any creepy bullshit from me, because all we ever were was BFF...and i can't bear to remember how close we were...maybe someday you'll let me congratulate you two and introduce me to your family.
my secrets are right here now. i know you mocked me at several deaf events and in front of floyd for not being pretty enough to attract guys you think are sexy...and that you were paranoid you'd lose me to jason and cost me my equally awesome friendship with floyd. but I know you understood what was so similar about our appearance that would make you hesitate. you felt lucky to have a hottie. you were young and the deaf community some years later informed me that you had been very badly hurt. so it's just part of the process called life, you know?
jason is fabulous. i sure have been with a few married guys, but i consider you a friend, no matter what, even if i saw that you were not someone i could trust with my sexual abuse history. so...your jealousy and my defense mounted in tandem. quid pro quo is more appropriate, yeah?
anyway, because i lost that friendship i have had no rock while I wade the jagged rocks of the freezing banks of despair. i'm totally tired of bein raped by all these people, people who say i'm just too cool and brilliant to ignore or let go without having my pussy first.
jase knows. that's in my notes, that you call him "jase," and i figured that even though the things you did pissed me the fuck off for years, you're probably not the same person you were then. it's terrifying the first few years on your own. that's cool. i get it. he knows i don't say yes, and he knows i'm getting beaten by a lot of them, and sometimes almost killed.
that was the secret. you wouldn't have wanted to know.
i know he loves you and i never asked him to leave you for any reason, or planted any doubt about you. i knew we had our issues and that never has anything to do with relationships with other people. i find that a moral failing and don't subscribe to it...unless someone is being abused and i know about it.
seriously, you know, we're both pretty good at landing hot guys. i have no idea what people told you but i realized as i wrote my notes that deaf women in DC and NYC were always jealous of the attention I effortlessly got from guys they felt were too good-looking for me and would threaten me and tell me to back off because they were pretty and deserved cute partners. i bet someone told you i was putting the moves on your man. girl...never. you are my best friend by extension no matter how infuriating you were in your mid-twenties. know that.
damn. conFABulations! jason and asha have always been real fucking troopers. they really communicate, whatever the flaws therein, and that should keep them fueling. man, jason is grown up! aww! my baby bro BFF is a family man! what!