Sunday, September 7, 2014

o serenade! a love among unrequited desire

i tried to tell jason about that rape. but he couldn't be there. the one i wrote about over on

and that's my last post there. i don't need to hide anymore. no more trying to kill myself.

the truth is out there, the truth i tried to kill myself over so many times for so long after getting my life together. it's here and there, on both blogs, it's coming together in marci's office, it really isn't a bad thing about myself that caused me to try to kill myself.

it's wanting to go on a date, and not with vincent, but with someone i really, really, really trust. someone i don't think will rape me or hit me, or try to kill me, because i won't put out on day one, and

all the fear

because i thought he cared about me

and dominic insisted that i was crazy if i thought i'd convince him to ask greg for his contact information

it seems so stupid 

but i want to know what he was smiling about

(and people were already berating me and ending friendships for loving david, so i just told everyone it was david--no new thing to be made fun of for, no new rumors that might make it to greg, about how i'm "destroying" the deaf community by saying the rape has got to stop

he must be a father by now...but that doesn't take away that night

marci's helping me understand that it can still be right, and good, and the start of something beautiful

no matter what happened when i got home

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