Wednesday, September 24, 2014

curried favor

when someone remarks that the board his noose was tied to broke, it sends all sorts of shocks through your body. when it's someone you love it's worse.

he is one of the most handsome men i've ever met, and i know he's sorry for the life he led when he was young and afraid, but--i can't imagine i'd be happy.

and i worry. i know he'll have a fantastic string of women who marvel that he likes us plain and juicy, but that's beside the point of life. i worry, and what the fuck is the idiot thinking, leaving me like this? i told him outright that he's an idiot and has the most annoying habit of ignoring what women are actually upset about and saying, and that he was absolutely required to make it the longest goodbye.

he's out there thinking i've cut him off and he knows from experience that when i disappear it's because i'm unable to text. what the fuck did he think i'd marry that for, then, but--he's so lonely. i worry; he's nowhere, and he's lonely, and i'll find out someday somehow that long ago he was washed up on some riverbank, and i'll wonder if he ever felt happy again.

fucking god, why are men so fucked up?

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