do i or what i

do i 

what i want

is to think

he won't mind

that he'll understand

the mind is a big place

full of closets

full of lockets

full of laughter and tears

and that life is bigger

but that i want to make my life bigger

by making this a lesser epidemic

and that

people enjoy triggering me

and that

i'm really still me, because that's all people see

when we hang out, me, not this

that knitting is a new expression of my art

but that i really need to fix what came raveled

(ravel means to do up and to undo, whichever is your tangle)

and that's why i'm here, to make sure

it's all gone--

when i was younger i didn't know that hiding the deepest shames

would later hinder everything that was healed, that he

would come back

and try

or do i just

not try for a little romance?

(love is too strong a word; we've only just begun chatting, and love is a goal

but love isn't on the table just yet

he's agreeable, and i find that when he's rushed his grammar becomes clipped

and it's adorable

but so is he)

gallaudet is not the world

gallaudet cannot eat my life