Thursday, March 6, 2014

joseph and elizabeth streets intersect with reading road

mere blocks apart. joseph is where i'm waiting right now.

joe lives on reading in reading; he's apparently unable to land a job like the one he had in music production because of his felony or felonies. he has a drug charge in kentucky that apparently carries a felony conviction,  according to jeff. i worry about him driving past when i wait for the 43.

after we broke up some stupid weird shit went down on his part, and


was (he was trying to tantalize me into getting back together, all the stupid weirdness was was)

"i got a ford...nah, never mind."

me, trying to be his text friend, afraid he'd OD or kill himself or worse if i left him altogether: "well, what kind of ford?"

"you don't deserve to know." and that was how he ended it. i didn't even care. whether he had a new car or truck didn't make a difference. his truck had broken down, i had paid the second tow truck fee i had ever covered for him because all my shit was in the truck and Ii couldn't risk losing everything over his insolvency...and i didn't even want to be in a car with him behind the wheel anymore.

not only does having a car not impact how i feel about him--or whether i want him back--he never could stop trying to tempt me with his TV, car, laptop, but he's the one who's materialistic, not me--he had gotten into an accident with me in the truck because at a red light he had the genius idea of turning to try to lipread a word he couldn't understand. i was like, DUDE. no deaf person would do that in a line of cars ready to stop at a red light. STOP trying to please me in the most arbitrary, senseless ways, and use your common sense. I love you, but was this worth trying to lipread me instead of saying, "hang on," or "what!? repeat that in a minute?" he was scared, getting red and sweaty, and it sank. that stomach of mine was always sinking around that boy. stealing my liquid painkiller, reading my e-mail, even texting jeff to try to catch me cheating with him--i'd caught him redhanded typing that nearly completed text just hours before that tow truck came to haul all my stuff and his truck--he was like, "i'm gonna lose my license. i don't have insurance."

his mom does this yo him. she makes him buy cars as a father and drive a baby to the ER--knowing he can't afford car insurance. so, no, a ford isn't making me want anything but yo strangle the living day lights into his common sense.

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