i cried into his chest hair today
last night the 43 took me past super laundry
and i remembered joe flipping out one night at city limits laundromat&tanning
driving away at 2a
because i was still in too much pain
to have sex
and insisting that blowjobs really were acts of love and all i could manage
anal sex with him--his girth--no, never again
the once...i spent three days crying and mostly abed
and he said
THEN PROVE YOU LOVE ME AND FUCK ME HERE IN THE PARKING LOT WHILE OUR CLOTHES DRY
he came back
not so apologetic but calm enough, steaming
but always with the FUCK ME IN THIS PUBLIC PLACE OR I WILL ROB YOU
LEAVE YOU STRANDED FOR SOMEONE TO RAPE OR KILL
and
streaming onto his ribcage both eyes discharged
but he insisted on hugging me so sobs broke the rivulets into waves
and i told him
and about, also
the sex with joe: i always loved him, every second
but i was never a participant
it was always too
the pain, so i could never move, he drove into me like tiger woods drove into two spectators rivulets of blood
painful
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