sometimes

since november

i wish dad were alive

so i can say, "i understand

the way she is, and why you called her a bitch

after the divorce

why you exploded that word from your lips after such long consideration"

(not excusing his own issues

but i think it's funny: i'm not the one who married an abuser

yet somehow it's as if she never did)

i bet the woman who told me i was stupid for years and that i was the most boring person she'd ever met when i was in second grade

and glows with everyone else so they think she is this bastion of radiant kindness and patience

even those she has alienated once they flock again

oh, it must have killed him alive all those years to leave such slug trails and find that hers

odious as they must have been

vanish into thin air