true love

but now marci and i are working out a life map

just in case

so in a few weeks

i will begin to petition

for my true loves. just in case

because they are my favorite things.

but by now they aren't who i remember

so dearly.

so clearly, and clearly i have no issues with working things out amicably

co-parenting

but, gosh, the wondering: who will they be?

artists, degenerates, tour guides in a post-apocalyptic wasteland or new-planet pioneers?

lawyers, boxers, NBL druggies, one of each of so many spectacular geniuses or failures and generous sprinklings in between?

i didn't really turn out wrong. i've met a lot of tormentors along the way and i haven't met anyone who doesn't agree professionally that i have the right to accept myself as not damaged and the cause of my sexual abuse, the right to just like myself and the way i look, and demand, not request or deny, that other people not tell me i'm ugly, the right to pursue degrees and careers despite pissing off people who feel entitled to better grammar or whatever, drawing skills, even...the right to complain about sexism and audism in class and at my colleges, and the right to understand and believe that i generally interact with people well, respectfully, and that i'm actually a better person than most people i talk about. like, they believe every rape story, and ilene actually outlined ty before i got to his characteristics. she's like, let me guess:

and i've always felt compelled

to write

teach

and understand,

and i think it's more important

to pursue the two other things professionally

and teach english for fun and for free

since, uh, that's just group therapy with some lessons. i break rules to make it work and that's how it is. find each person's hook, and i think i have a fairly universal one to expound on perfectly in ASL, as observed. why not break the rules to make them all work? and i can keep track of each student, even the "let's date, you smart woman!" starry-eyed "but can such a 'hearing' true ASL deafie exist!?" kids/young men. i see no reason not to teach everyone using my own criteria because it actually works. most everyone cries and then spreads dem proverbial wings

right, and maybe.

maybe even that, i think, so i can moonlight--

and the tykes

i keep starting to pack for NYC

then it's like

"oh, right!"

so i make jewelry, punching needles into vulvae

penises

nipples

and i have raving fans