Wednesday, May 14, 2014

the baby defense

joe has huge sausage lips. teeny cheekbones. big blue eyes. intense blue so it took just a few weeks to forget the quality they share with fatso's. 

if he wanted something, he'd stick out a lip and try to look like he was coming down with a case of the self-pitying doldrums. i had a lot of patience but he looked like a fish doing that so i started cutting that shit off soon as i saw the eyes and downturned mouth. he tried to treat me like an ATM one night and i was like, what did you just do in front of your fucking friends, kiddo? 

so i cut that shit off at the root. after a few weeks he went crazy on me. addict. stealing my painkiller, seeing a bullying druggie pal whose pill stash was just huge...well. looking at me like a 29-year-old baby with a bushy 5 o'clock--

i would just roll my eyes and tell him not to bother. 

and i loved n&e to death, but i didn't want all the housework and two babies and school and the non-felony salary and the feeding and clothing and laundering and upkeep and shopping and all for two growing boys. with joe just going out "for five minutes" to smoke a cigarette and coming back after an hour, knowing they were fed and close to bath time, then going back out "for a cigarette."

i loved them but that and being assaulted and the one with gas money--he was warned. specifically about that. i would adopt them but it seems like i probably can't. unfortunately, i have the least likelihood of abuse of anyone they know as their parent. except for his oldest brother and his lovely wife. I love them but he works for P&G in arkansas. 

the babies are really too awesome. the abuse i've seen frighten them is not. 

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