the tears of the litter, high above the crowds

after david, after the way toolworks fucked with me for demanding that no sexual abuse ever occur on the job, and, hell, compounded by joe--and

the gorgon

i totally bawled after four different totals at lane bryant (i'm not caring that my clothes are tattered and few, i must lose enough to accept myself as lovable and healthy and able to fit into at least a third of the clothes in storage...but my tits feel so much better, my back is aligned and my left leg isn't as tortured--and he

my favorite uncle and formerly crush-worthy cousin are jeffs and there's an inside joke about the bens! so this guy is my most trusted friend right now and jeff is just a nice way to put him--

jeff

is gonna die with a stream in my hair that will suck to pry apart on the couch. just looking at these 40Ds in not-38DD bras!

but nothing at the store fit. i'm an 18-20 proper, i weigh that much, i wear 18s in jeans again, but at lane bryant even the 14s i could try on were too big. not all were designed to be crazy loose but nothing fucking fit

and the dress is gorgeous. one bathing suit top in a 16 fit. if i manage to heal this time i think i'm buying a bikini. i know it took two weeks to tone my arms noticeably at a size 10-12 so

it won't be too hard. if i get back into college boys

i have to; they still think i'm cute but a nicer back would cement everything

and jeff is getting too old

this morning he asked if i was crying

i laughed and didn't mention the tears flowing from his asshole accidental insult

but yesterday i'd told him to stop making our argument about anything but what it wasn't about and he shaped up

so all this and i bought some new bras. first the total was $84, then $96, then $91, then just ten cents under $99!

i kept protesting that their math was wrong

got a "you white bitch, you shut up, we can do our jobs" thing from the older of the cashiers

kept explaining that each bra was $20 and was told it was "taken care of!" the younger woman was newer and so apologetic but she was so not at fault! new to the hierarchy!

how does lane bryant/caciqué justify keeping on a cashier who rings up three sums until it hits $100 and refusing to let me explain? she was gleeful to let me know that my deafness was a way to control me

and i ended up getting $34 refunded by the manager

and, yeah, the younger woman and i had had a misunderstanding so $6 of that was a return on something i hadn't wanted...but that was a genuine miscommunication. those can be so funny

but i was so flustered i wondered if my guesstimate of $27 still owed yours truly was so off i wasn't thinking

and thus

my tits are red velvet cakes