Monday, June 9, 2014

defrost works its dripping way

else i can never explain to marci--

so the counter is slowly pooling.

the facade of marble.

the thirty seconds i took to tell a student he was smarter than he tried to bully his adult classmates into thinking

crushed another, i think--i hadn't said "smartest," but "smart"--

but i logged hours with the others

walked home for a good cry in between coffeehouse sessions

was late, late for one heartbreak, but it gets lost

all that suffering, abuse i narrowly escaped because mom was like

this is my offspring, my DNA, so catch ya on the positive attitude or the principal will have your hide after i take hers, yo!

and it is just thirty seconds

that memory of david twisting my arm so i could feel it creak to break

just like ty, recreating rape scenarios i had entrusted to false love

threatening that i never tell his mother he was visiting, staying with me

like, what fantasy world

and oh can he borrow $150

sure, it's cheaper than a broken arm

but it never lets me rest

once i say something they each feel is far too intellectual to comprehend or be anything but an insult to their conscience, nay, existence--

i am made all too conscious

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