else i can never explain to marci--
so the counter is slowly pooling.
the facade of marble.
the thirty seconds i took to tell a student he was smarter than he tried to bully his adult classmates into thinking
crushed another, i think--i hadn't said "smartest," but "smart"--
but i logged hours with the others
walked home for a good cry in between coffeehouse sessions
was late, late for one heartbreak, but it gets lost
all that suffering, abuse i narrowly escaped because mom was like
this is my offspring, my DNA, so catch ya on the positive attitude or the principal will have your hide after i take hers, yo!
and it is just thirty seconds
that memory of david twisting my arm so i could feel it creak to break
just like ty, recreating rape scenarios i had entrusted to false love
threatening that i never tell his mother he was visiting, staying with me
like, what fantasy world
and oh can he borrow $150
sure, it's cheaper than a broken arm
but it never lets me rest
once i say something they each feel is far too intellectual to comprehend or be anything but an insult to their conscience, nay, existence--
i am made all too conscious