there's this bloodbath carrie

who bought plane tickets to cincinnati

and was like, i'm flying out! i didn't know how to say FUCK

NO

FUCK NO

I CAN'T STAND YOU ONLINE SO HOW CAN I STAND YOU FACE

TO FACE

so she met mike and he couldn't stand her either

and she was worse than annoying, she was pushy and verbally abusive

and would push me physically when no one else was around

push and pinch and jab

i heard years later that that was when her abusive fiancé left her

so i forgive some of that but

she kept telling me to feed mike peanut butter and kill him cuz she did not like

what she saw in him, the abuser bits

but i can choose my friends, okay

and when to leave them and i can decide

who to pity (like carrie)

so  mike comes home from the pacific northwest a year later, is it

after i dropped carrie off at the airport with cwome, was it

with a "never speak to me again, this was hell and you are hellacious

and i don't appreciate your physical fucking abuse and dependence on me for money

WTF crazy"

she'd spread this ludicrous story that I was plotting to kill mike

and he was like WTF CRAZY and i about killed myself with fear but he's like

we've been TIGHT we talk for hours every day for how long now

you woke me up for my seminars in seattle

told you that carrie wasn't just unstable

she's a bitch

that's a dangerous lie to spread so best cut that loss

anyway

she flew out here because she was crazy jealous and obsessed

cuz when i said josh chose me as his first she spent months asking what date

cuz she says she was his first

but here

see

fatso started beating me up and making me let boys rape me days after he said he loved me

because i'm ugly

josh chose me because he was in love with me and hurt me because

he said

i had to know he couldn't be in love with me because love destroys happiness

and

always told me

i was ugly

david started raping and hitting me in the mouth, and saying cruel things...

after he said he was falling in love with me

and the second time i met him was at his apartment crawling with flies and nothing but a mattress and their clothes all over the floor

and a $50 NYC couch, all metal with one PVC seat

NYC furniture for the impoverished, i swear

and he cried and cried and held me and said

she was beautiful on the outside and i was tripping him up

because he was falling in love with me because i'm beautiful on the inside

that i was the first girl he'd ever known who didn't make fun

of him for being mexican and who treated him well

and didn't make him feel poor

and then he made me cry by shoving her picture in m face

demanding that i tell him how beautiful on the outside

but all i saw was cold, murderous eyes and makeup hiding the cuts

on her face

ooooo gangsta

and then when weeks later i decided to let him kiss me so i could say

see

there's nothing there

the next night

the spanish

and the hitting

and eventually the i need her back because she's beautiful and you're not

joe never said i was ugly and

he hit me anyway