the bond severed, the bond oh-oh-seven

so mom is all

"your accusations are false and"

and i will not even! so we agreed no more mother and daughter

but i see someone must have told her something

she has backtracked a little on something

so even people who don't talk to her are talking to her and it gives her space

to change her stories

or she read the one thing i blogged and changed that story

but even

at ben's wedding i lamented to my second cousin faye

that we had become so distant i wasn't invited to her wedding

mom had been all GUESS WHAT TERRY AND BEN WERE INVITED TO FAYE'S WEDDING

YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and faye, perplexed

she said you didn't want to come

didn't want a direct invitation

and i was in the bathroom sobbing because of course

mom was all OH NOES YOUR BROTHERS ARE DRUNK OH NOES

and i went and got drunk and couldn't walk cuz my ankle was so swollen

so max carried me back to my hotel room

and max is one reason i keep living

he tells me everything that goes on in 13-people christmas restaurants and rooms

but now he won't be marrying mem

so i

am a szymanski whole

not half a ward

but how can i lie about not lying

just to save nothing me

just to save a reputation and keep being drained

how could she tell faye

and laugh at me

how can she constantly

but joe

not santini

is getting varnished photos of the twins

and two of himself with messages from me on those backs

not on the twins' except "of all that we share/the nos delicious/the most cozy/the most wonderful/is our DADDY!" and the like

as postcards

his birthday is a week from now

i want to buy him a $50 gift certificate for plaza art

but if he or his mom would just throw it away

then $5

is okay to toss

i cannot leave him to feel unloved

so i think

i will ask tres belles to take my card number and ask

just down the street

if he would like to order himself a cake

(i think otherwise he will not get a cake

isn't that a whopping heartbreak)